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| Precious Noise. |
| 03.23.05 (12:18 pm) [edit] |
|
Our trip to Chicago was fairly spontaneous. I had been away since the funeral. People who knew better than I did, whisked me off to save me from being alone. When I left, I thought that it was all nonsense, but, after a few hours at home, the desolation was more than I could bear. One week later, the numbness was wearing off and I could literally feel my heart aching. I came home to a place that felt foreign to me. It was no longer the house where I lived, it was the house where my daughter had died. Every step that I took seemed to amplify the silence. When Megan came home on Saturday, I suggested Chicago. There is no better place to go when avoiding silence, than a city of three million people. Monday morning, we threw some things in a bag and left the house at 7:00 a.m. to catch the train, leaving enough time to pick up a latte and to drop off CoCo Chanel at Megan’s dad’s house for the night. Megan, reluctantly left her precious CoCo, along with kennel, blanket, toys, stuffed animals, treats, food, dishes, and Rhinestone leash…all of the necessities a 4-pound toy poodle from Third Street needs to survive an overnight away from home. One hour later we found ourselves sandwiched between a bevy of chortling ladies from the Red Hat Society and a group of six mothers, who between them filled the train with 13 screaming children, 5 strollers, 11 diaper bags, 17 choruses of "I’ve been working on the Railroad", 28 anecdotes about bowel movements and enough cracker crumbs to coat every chicken breast from here to Sicily. Thinking myself a "child person" it didn’t occur to me to immediately find a seat elsewhere--one of those regrettable decisions that makes you question your sanity—like the time I bought sushi in a food court from a little Japanese woman who I found sleeping in a cupboard under the cash register. Be careful what you wish for. Somewhere around Gary the train broke down. Needless to say, we had no idea what happened because by that time we were all but deaf and had pretty much given up our will to live. The little boy behind us was periodically grabbing our hair over the seat and gave new meaning to the term ‘breathing down my neck’. After 25 minutes, I shared with Megan my covert plan to hang a sign out the window offering $20 for any type of alcoholic beverage. For her part, she pulled out a pen and began jotting down a very moving vow of celibacy. By the time that we arrived in Chicago, I had a newfound appreciation for the benefits of risking your life on the Dan Ryan expressway. Ah, precious noise. Sirens and jazz, car horns and sidewalk singers, busses and conversations overheard in a hundred different languages. Despite the pace of life going on around us, we did not feel inclined to rush. We lingered over coffee and indulged in cream puffs and cannoli. We stopped by Borders and spent an hour-and-a-half looking for the perfect book. We talked over dinner and braved the wind on the way back to the hotel. We made the morning trek to the Original Pancake House on Bellevue where we were wedged between two construction workers and a couple from Ireland. We played cab roulette. Being in the city—passing thousands of faces—I realized that while it is a very big world out there, the human experience is basically the same. We wake up every day and hope that something good will happen. We go to work and try to make our way in the world. We pray for our children and send them on their way. We love, we laugh, and sometimes we hurt. Life goes on, even when we feel like we cannot. Sometimes, we are not meant to be alone and sometimes others see that better than we do. You don’t need to go to the city or board a train filled with ladies dressed in purple and red. You just need to find some precious noise. We lingered over coffee and cannoli. We remembered and we forgot…if only for a moment. |
posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (9:30 am)
You take me there with you. I'll be in Chicago for a day with my daughter and two friends in a couple of weeks. We won't even be there long enough to get a room. But I'm certain I'll think of you.
posted by: grateful1 (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (9:31 am)
This is so bveautiful and funny at the same time of a post. i love it and really enjoy reading everything you have to write. i found myself digging into you archioves so i could read everything from the beginning, i really hope you don 't mind. You are a great writer and have a great perspective on life and situations in our everyday lives. God Bless and it sounds like ya'll had a great trip. Now i need to take one..lol!!
posted by: basild (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (9:40 am)
I believe that the best writing is somehow grounded in one's personal experiences. I've enjoyed your writing a great deal--it strikes a responsive chord in me somehow, which is what great writing is ultimately all about. I wish you and your family the very best.
posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (10:48 am)
Aww.... I was checking your links and saw you added me. I'm honored. Thanks
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (1:07 pm)
'One hour later we found ourselves sandwiched between a bevy of chortling ladies from the Red Hat Society and a group of six mothers, who between them filled the train with 13 screaming children, 5 strollers, 11 diaper bags, 17 choruses of "I’ve been working on the Railroad", 28 anecdotes about bowel movements and enough cracker crumbs to coat every chicken breast from here to Sicily.'
and you think *I* have a way of expressing myself? Goodness, madam. I beseech thee, look again. It isn't the hand or the witty thoughts that put the soul in your life within these pages... but thoese eyes of yours, those seeing, feeling eyes that seem to have made a deal with God himself. Thank you for taking me to Chicago by way of the train. I enjoyed it tremendously.
posted by: alli (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (2:13 pm)
if you ever need more noise...i'm sure some of us girls could come hang out with you! =) Love you.
posted by: AHep (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (2:38 pm)
I love it. I think it is humorous tempered with seriousness and lessons about life. Hmmm... might sound like someone I know and love! :)
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (6:51 pm)
Reply to: altricial
Two words... Cheesecake Factory. :) Hope you have fun!
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (6:53 pm)
Reply to: grateful1
thank you. I hope you get to take a day away just for yourself!
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:15 pm)
Reply to: basild
it's much easier to write about what you know... I hate researching things. :) Thank you for such a nice note.
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:22 pm)
Reply to: altricial
you're welcome... I like to pass on a good thing (that's also why I suggested the Cheesecake Factory) :)
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:30 pm)
Reply to: lindy
I honestly don't know what to say... which is a rare thing. Thank you... you are way too kind. Beseech...what a great word. Reminds me of the literature that I love. On the train, a woman next to us used the word discombobulated four times in a ten minute period. This is a very random thought but I'm curious... does that seem normal? And while I'm thinking about it is there any better name in literature than Boo Radley. No, I haven't been drinking but I did take Nyquil... Anyway, I am through with random rantings. You made my night. Thanks.
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:31 pm)
Reply to: alli
Alli... I would like nothing more than that! I miss you guys.
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:34 pm)
Reply to: AHep
This from the woman who writes about perpetually hard nipples. :) Ashley... can't wait to discuss life over a margarita. Love you!
posted by: lindy (reply)
post date: 03.23.05 (7:44 pm)
Reply to: LoriSchuster
I would say that is not normal to use such a word four times within in such a short time period. Sounds like more of a habit rather then an accurate description useful in her conversation.
You are welcome. I speak as I find. :)
posted by: CrazyBeautiful (reply)
post date: 03.25.05 (7:00 am)
I have to say that everytime I read I can never find the words to describe how I feel about you as I read. But even though you may have sadnedd, I see strength in your words...you are so brave to me. I like the way you describe Chicago, as a native its hard to see it that way sometimes.
posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 04.08.05 (8:40 pm)
I love your day. I was there with you and watching it all at the same time. Thank you for sharing this.
Grace, beauty, humor, strength.
Alison Haley Cloud
Nov. 16, 1987-March 1, 2005
