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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
| Round and round and round... |
| 12.30.04 (9:09 am) [edit] |
|
For most of my adult life I was petrified to fly. I’ve gotten over it, but, for many years it paralyzed me. It wasn’t necessarily the dying that worried me, but rather, the time between descent and hitting the ground…knowing what was about to happen and being powerless to stop it. Yesterday, my world crashed head on into a mountain. The descent has begun and I’m not quite sure how I will crawl from the fuselage in one piece. I had known it in my heart for over a week. But, as it was just a feeling, I left the door open for hope. It has been a revolving door leading to a roller coaster of emotions, but, none more painful than this. The cancer has spread to the bone marrow. There is nothing that we can do to change the course of this disease. And, with those words, the last door of hope on this long and arduous journey, cruelly and abruptly closed. I will write more about this when I am able. But for now I will tell you that whatever lessons I learn along this scenic route through purgatory, none will equal what I have learned about courage, grace, and strength from my beautiful 17-year-old daughter. I always believed that it would be the other way around but sometimes life doesn’t work that way. For now the revolving door just keeps spinning. Round and round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows. |
posted by: AHep (reply)
post date: 12.30.04 (7:28 pm)
I'm not sure exactly what to make of this blog except that you're spinning out of control. I was going to ask how your Christmas was, but it sounds like it wasn't so hot. Well... I'll keep reading or wait to hear from you.
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 01.02.05 (8:46 am)
Seemed a little harsh Ashley. Writing is therapeutic... talking face to face is simply difficult. My life has been spinning... I have tried not to. I get up every morning and put one foot in front of the other. Our Christmas was amazing and wonderful... the days after have not been. I will call... or you may do the same. Love you.
posted by: Sue in Toledo (reply)
post date: 01.04.05 (7:22 am)
Lori, I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. How can the news be so good one minute and then so bad shortly after. It seems the doctors don't really have a clue.You and Ali are always in my prayers. Hang in there.
posted by: AHep (reply)
post date: 01.05.05 (3:50 pm)
I didn't mean to sound harsh at all. I just read this and you were writing about the revovling door and I inferred from your writing that you felt like you were in the door... hence the spinning. Oh the dangers of communicating through email. I'm just really confused because I don't know what's going on and it sounds like the news on Ali isn't so good and I'm anxious but I will wait for you. I'm thinking of you.
posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 01.25.05 (6:17 pm)
Oh friend...I'm sorry. I was thinking of you and Ali....
Please feel free to email me a vent if you want ok?
I'm always here....
posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 01.25.05 (6:19 pm)
And please tell Megan she is in my prayers as well....
Grace, beauty, humor, strength.
Alison Haley Cloud
Nov. 16, 1987-March 1, 2005
