Note:   We have been watching a show called MadMen recently.  It reminded me of growing up in the early sixties…when parent’s didn’t try and protect their children from every pitfall.  It’s refreshing.  It reminded me of a post I wrote a while ago so I’m repeating it.

BAREFOOT IN THE GLASS


When did we stop running barefoot?

There was a time when we would fly out the screen door like miniature lightening bolts and by the time the door slammed shut we were already a block away in Francine McNamara’s avocado green kitchen eating a bologna sandwich and drinking lemon-lime kool-aid. We ran with abandon giving no thought to the possibility of encountering a rock, a jagged piece of glass or an uneven sidewalk.

On which trip around the block did we slow down our pace and start looking for obstacles in our path? When did we decide to throw in the towel completely and start wearing tennis shoes?

When we are toddlers we do not understand danger. If you allow a baby less than four months old to crawl across a bed… they will keep crawling until they fall off. A toddler does not conceptualize a fear of fire until he touches it and it is hot… before that it is just a pretty glowing light. We all need someone to guide us through the pitfalls. But what happens when our desire to protect extinguishes the desire to explore, to take a risk, or to chase after a dream?

There is a very short period of time when we experience ultimate freedom. We are old enough that our parents aren’t constantly following us around, but young enough that we have no fear. Kids play outside in the rain, ride their bikes off of poorly built ramps, and pick gum off of the sidewalk and chew it. My six year old nephew came from playing at the neighbor’s house and informed my sister that they had been playing on the roof of the garage but he didn’t think that she would like it so they decided to play on the roof of the shed instead. He didn’t think about a trip to the emergency room… his goal was the adventure.

Why do we stop embracing this freedom and start embracing fear?

I believe that out of love, we are programmed to fear. It is well-intentioned, but often misguided. We, as parents, come up with all sorts of rules. Some rules, of course, are necessary and prudent…look both ways before crossing the street, don’t play with guns, knives or explosives and don’t drink the Drano.

Sometimes though, we drift from reality and start repeating the things that we heard growing up or stick firmly to a concept that has no real consequence in life one way or another; clean your plate, don’t jump on the bed, get out of the mud or you’ll get dirty, not on a school night, don’t go outside with wet hair-- you’ll catch pneumonia, and don’t run with that or you’ll poke your eye out… in fact, just don’t run at all. Don’t sit so close to the TV, color in the lines, and if you cross your eyes they’ll stay like that.

Taking precautions is wise; it’s when we try to protect them against any threat of danger that we start going off the deep end and begin limiting normal childhood experiences. Children going out to ride bikes are better protected than a NASCAR driver and I was so neurotic that I made my poor children wear batting helmets to watch a semi-pro baseball game.

Why? Because we are under the very false assumption that we have some control and if we stick close enough or have enough rules… my child will be safe… living in a bubble, but safe. We are haunted by the "what ifs". What if they fall off of their bike, what if they freeeze to death because their coat is not thick enough, what if they eat the yellow snow?

When my girls were little, I did not want them to play on a trampoline… period. I didn’t really like them climbing on the monkey bars either—unless my protective hand was under their bottom… what if they should miss a bar and fall? So, I made the trampoline rule and the monkey bar rule. Unfortunately, I forgot about making the "don’t put the mini trampoline INSIDE of the monkey bar because a screw might be sticking out rule". As children do, Megan found a contingency that I hadn’t thought of. It resulted in four stitches to the top of her head.

Megan survived, but not because I protected her. Kids are resilient. My hope is that despite my past affliction with the "what ifs", Megan’s spirit of adventure has also survived. I hope that when my children have the chance to experience something new and exciting they will not hesitate because they see a path filled with rocks, jagged glass and uneven sidewalks.

I will have failed them if their response to life is a litany of "what ifs". What if I lose, what if I fail, what if my heart gets broken? There are so many things that I missed because of self imposed, irrational fears.

Carl Jung said that, “Nothing is a stronger influence psychologically on their environment, and especially on their children, than the unlived lives of the parents.”

I want to be an example for my children and not a barricade. You cannot control what happens tomorrow but you can decide to live for today.  We have a choice to kindle our child’s flame of adventure or extinguish it. Perhaps that means breaking one of our own rules now and then. Yes, dinner may be late, they may get dirty or stay up past their bedtime...they may even require stitches. The world will go on. Sometimes the best gift that you can give your child is to hold your breath, let go of their hand and allow them to run barefoot in a world full of stones.