Kindergarten: Garfield elementary School. Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Miss Cousins. Little mats for ‘nap’ time, eating graham crackers and making a beautiful necklace for my mom out of a hardened green dough and a sparkly gem. Missed over 40 days of school due to terrible ear infections—cured by getting my tonsils out. We walked home from school and poked umbrellas into the ground to see if we could locate either China or the Devil's eye...then as now...I was an odd bird.

1st Grade: Garfield elementary School. Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Miss Eichorn
Our classroom was a trailer in the back of the main building. Very progressive but it didn't smell like old wood and lysol. Someone stole my new Cinderella watch and I found it smashed it on the playground. Mrs. Eichorn gave two grades--happy faces and sad faces. I was a happy face kind of over-achiever. One day, I got a sad face on one of my papers. The girls who were supposed to be walking me home grabbed the paper and ran to show my mom...leaving me walking by myself and crying all the way home. Judy let those girls have it...thank you mom. 

2nd Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Mrs. Long
I loved Mrs. Long. I won the contest for reading the most books during the year…over 200 (212 to be precise but whose counting). Maybe this was the beginning of my love for literature. My 2nd Grade rivals were Janet Lorigan and Janice Northrup. Our issues centered around the intense competition of the reading contest and who would get to be Laurie Partridge in the lunch room.

3rd Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Mrs. Mankee
Bill Harrison was chosen to be the class representative to pick out a goldfish with the teacher. He was supposed to pick someone to go with them...he picked me...much to the disgust of the male members of the classroom. I kissed him. I think that maybe I was the 3rd grade slut.

4th Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Miss Strong
Miss Strong was young and hip. I liked her. In the eyes of my dad, however, she made two fatal mistakes. One was putting make-up on me when I asked her to and the second was sending me to the Hotdog Shack on East Broadway to pick her up some lunch. It was the kind of place where child molesters meet to catch up over coffee.

5th Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Mrs. Redway
Mrs. Redway was stern. But, I was a good student and your basic brown noser so we were simpatico. I was the spelling bee champion—and proud of it. 

6th Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Miss Eckhart
Miss Eckhart treated us like mini adults, a fact which was apparently lost on my dad who continued to insist he was in charge. She had a class monetary system with which you were rewarded and/or fined. I bought a lot of candy. This was the year I bought my first bra at JC Penney. Barbie’s bra required more fabric than this one. 

7th Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Miss Pitcher
It is my firm belief that we scared the hell out of Miss Pitcher. She didn’t like us and we didn’t like her. I remember listening to “Smoke on the Water” in music class…but maybe I’m confused. My main goal was to be able to shave my legs. Still no boobs.

8th Grade: Raymer School Toledo, Ohio Teacher: Mr. Brown
My boyfriend was Tom Lawson. He was the lead singer in a band and sang "Stairway to Heaven". They played at our 8th grade graduation in the Shelter house at Navarre Park and I always felt I was in the company of greatness. We were already drinking Boonesfarm Strawberry Hill wine in 8th grade…but my mom still wanted me to wear snowpants in winter. This is called a generation gap.

I'll spare you from High School. It's really just a blur anyway.