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| The safe house. |
| 10.15.06 (2:26 pm) [edit] |
|
Our studio is in an area of the city inhabited mainly by three 'subcultures': the homeless, young artists and Goths. Several missions line the street two or three blocks to the south. A few years ago there was little activity outside of people walking back and forth from the missions to various stoops in the vicinity of the studio. Much of the area has now been renovated and small artists lofts, independent shops and rogue galleries have added new life to the neighborhood. Craig owns the building that houses our studio and loft on Division Street as well as a couple of others that are occupied by businesses that cater to the Goth culture; an independent record store, a coffeehouse, a tattoo studio, and a club called Skelletones. On nights when Skelletones is having a concert, kids start lining up early and the parking lot is a sea of dark hair, cigarettes, tattoos and black graffiti t-shirts. For some reason, I am drawn to these kids. They are smart and extremely deep. I believe that part of their need to set themselves apart is that they feel too much and don’t know what to do with it. Like immigrants who came to this country and flocked together in certain neighborhoods… there is safety in surrounding yourself with people who understand where you’re coming from and where you’ve been. In a similar way, these kids use their appearance as their symbol of acceptance…their safe house from the judgment and criticism of those who simply do not understand the workings of their soul and longings of their heart. I think they also use their appearance as a way to intimidate; if they intimidate, people will not get close and if people don’t get close then they can’t get hurt, or rejected, or worst of all—ignored. I’m sure that when they look at me—Miss Wonder Bread, Rush Limbaugh listening, former children’s pastor and suburban housewife—they would conclude that there is no use even wasting their breath on me because I, like most adults, simply don’t get it. Maybe I don’t, but I think that they would be very surprised by how closely our hearts are really aligned and for some reason, I cannot look at them without seeing the face of the child that is buried inside of them. You can’t generalize about how they came to gravitate to this place. Certainly, as I look out into the parking lot, it is not necessarily about individualism. I’m not sure it’s about rebelling against conformity; although I do believe that it is centered around rebellion of some sort. I admire them and I worry about them. I wonder why it is that they had to go so far in order to be heard. Teenagers need to rebel—some more than others. It is a rite of passage on the road to discovering who they are outside of their parents. For adults, it is like a tightrope walk. If you never draw boundaries then they will have to go further and further to feel as though they have rebelled. If you clamp down too tightly and don’t allow any rebellion, they will do it—but in the shadows-- and probably to a much greater degree than was necessary. Kids who feel they aren’t being listened to will need to keep talking louder and louder in order to be heard. When words become superfluous, they cry out in other ways. As parents, our job is to find a balance between our desire to give them a solid foundation and letting go enough to let them build on that foundation the style of dwelling that suits them—not us. Our society has tried to make the definition of success and happiness a one size fits all proposition. We put them on a life track from the moment they enter preschool and like the hippie generation of the 60s, many of today’s kids are simply saying, no, thank you. Just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it is for me…and actually, how well did it really work for you? When my life did not take me far outside of the carpool lanes in suburbia, I had a very different view of the world…certainly a lot different from the view on Division Street. I can see why they like it here…why I like it here. There is no covering up the pain here, not a lot of fairy tales or occasions for a little black dress. But, there is life. It is gritty and real and you feel it. It is the daily pursuit of just trying to figure it all out and a constant reminder that one man’s failure is another man's mark of success. |
posted by: apyjo (reply)
post date: 10.15.06 (1:32 pm)
Thought provoking post as usual, Lori.
posted by: Mimi (reply)
post date: 10.15.06 (3:06 pm)
Wow, profound thoughts on youth. Growing up *is* a bit like walking a tight rope which isn't made any easier by the culture we live in. I too often feel a bit out of the ordinary for my views and my thoughts about people. BTW, your new look here is awesome. I love the layout. I'm so dim when it comes to trying something new on my blog. I guess I'll have to get my 14 year old to help me.
Mimi
posted by: judypatooote (reply)
post date: 10.15.06 (5:20 pm)
You just amaze me with your words and your thoughts.....you really think deep.....you are your fathers daughter......
posted by: goldie (reply)
post date: 10.15.06 (8:12 pm)
wow. yes i agree and am almost envious of you living in such a 'real' environment. i often feel like the only way i will ever settle down will be when i give in and finally learn how the hell im meant to wear that lil black dress. i'm stuck somewhere btwn the rebelling of adolescents and the housewife mother.... without the confidence or the funding to parade around as an artist.... i hate it that i wouldnt fit in newhere.... but all the same,
i love the imagery and character of "Miss Wonder bread". this was a great post on a whole lota levels.
thanks for the thinking lori.
xxg.g.
posted by: irishred (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (7:25 am)
Are you still in Toledo? If not you just described an area I drove through about a week ago and the same area where I did a show for the Toledo Rep Theatre.
Love the post. T-Blog is lucky to have such a stimulating blogger.
Love the post
posted by: heavyarms (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (11:10 am)
I don't get them. They claim to be depressed and sad and lonely, yet they all dress alike and form their little enclaves where they can sit together and be depressed and sad and angry. You might say that they have "friends" in that they gather together with a group of like-minded people in a social atmosphere. You might say that they are "happy" because what sane person repeatedly engages in behavior that makes them feel miserable? They are "non-comformists" who comform with each other, and thus, by no small stretch become the very thing they claim to want to distance themselves from.
I personally feel that they are simply crying for attention with their dress and manner, and I guess we should be thankful that they aren't crying for attention by shooting up a school or something (not that I'm equating goth culture or whatever it is with those that seek to kill others.)
There are millions more out there that face their depression, anger and lonliness alone. I for one feel sorry for and empathize with these people more than those who have managed to find a group they feel comfortable with.
And, of course, I add my usual disclaimer that these opinions are mine alone and are in no way meant to reflect the opinions of a well-informed or intelligent person.
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (4:59 pm)
Reply to: apyjo
thanks April. :)
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:02 pm)
Reply to: Mimi
I wouldn't want to be a teenager again for anything--. It's hard enough watching your kids try and navigate growing up. thank you for your comments about the layout. I'm clueless too...I just try things and hope it works. :)
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:06 pm)
Reply to: judypatoote
thanks mom... even when I was little I used to love sitting at the table up at the farm and listen to them discuss things. I guess maybe it is genetic. :) love you.
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:13 pm)
Reply to: goldie
thanks goldie...i wish that I would have gotten used to taking chances when I was young...trying things, living in different places, travelling...when I had nothing to lose. I'm not sure if it was fear or just not being exposed to what was out there. You will figure it out...sometimes you just have to take a leap and see where you land. I'm tmailing you one of my favorite quotes. ALWAYS nice to hear from you.
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:13 pm)
Reply to: LadyG
thank you Lady G.
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:17 pm)
Reply to: irishred
I answered the first part on your blog...and as for your second comment...thank you very much. I'm sure that very soon tbloggers will be as sick of hearing my opinions as my siblings are. :) thanx Irish. Glad you had a good time in toledo.
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:34 pm)
Reply to: heavyarms
I cannot speak for these kids any more than I can speak for anyone else, but, here is what I think in response to your comment. I don't think that they claim to be depressed, sad, etc. I think many of them genuinely are. I think that they feel things very deeply and feel a lack of control for how to change it. They are after all...still kids. I do think they are crying out for attention...and that was part of my point about how far they had to go for some adult in their life to listen to them. They've probably been crying out for a long time. I don't think they have a problem with conformity...just conforming to people who treat them like shit because they don't see the world the same way. Kids can be very cruel. I have generally found when talking to these kids that underneath they are very gentle and sensitive. Above all you certainly can't judge a book by it's cover. I think we both know you are quite well informed and intelligent so that argument just ain't gonna fly here anymore. :)
posted by: mimi (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (5:45 pm)
hi, lori...i don't think it was me that left the other "mimi" comment...for one thing, i don't have a 14 year old any more...but, I wanted to tell you that i understand and have those sort of experiences regularly. the dreams, the hearing my loved ones. the other day i was talking outside at work on my cell phone when all of a sudden, i smelled jasmine! the thing is, there is no jasmine anywhere in that area! sam used to plant it for me all around our yard...i think that is the first 'olatory' experience i've had so far...check out a wonderful book i swear by: Hello from Heaven by bill and judy guggenheim...i think it may be available on amazon...if you cannot find it, let me know. i will find my copy and send it to you. it was the one book i found myself that saved my life! xoxoxo
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 10.16.06 (6:25 pm)
Reply to: mimi
Yes, a different Mimi...that confused me for a while. :) what an experience with the jasmine...it must have been such a comfort. I will look for the book. It sounds fascinating. I'm very glad that it has brought you such comfort.
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 10.17.06 (7:43 pm)
Those teenagers are so very difficult to understand. And, when you take all of these mitigating factors that make a teenager such a mystery, and add to that teenager an unstable psyche, then you have a certain teenage young lady that has dominated my heart for the last so many years. But I do appreciate your love for these "goth" teenagers. I see them around, and they do appear rather frightening. But you are right- they are smart people who deserve to be loved just like everybody else.
Wow, what happened to that place where I grew up, where everybody looked and lived basically the same? That place seems very far away.
posted by: Sandy (reply)
post date: 10.17.06 (8:11 pm)
Lori...You are so much wiser than your years. I am amazed at the depth of your knowledge & understanding.
posted by: thejongleur (reply)
post date: 11.01.06 (4:47 pm)
Saying things on blogs is always a difficult thing for me.. but since I've started reading your blog I've liked the way you hold these thoughts in your hand for a while, before laying them down quite beautifully.
Take care,
ams
posted by: lorischuster (reply)
post date: 11.01.06 (6:20 pm)
Reply to: thejongleur
when people use their words sparingly, they carry much more weight. Thank you for the very lovely comment.
Grace, beauty, humor, strength.
Alison Haley Cloud
Nov. 16, 1987-March 1, 2005
