I get very few comments on this blog any more...that is an observation and not a lamentation. I understand that it's depressing to follow someone down the road of grief. I believe that perhaps it is too painful for people to come here and be face-to-face with Ali's picture. Maybe it makes all of life's uncertainties seem far too real and far too possible. This blog has become like that quiet part of my life--the secret, aching, part that feels like a nightmare that you can't wake up from. It hurts to think about and every time you look at those brown eyes and that Audrey Hepburn smile, you get a glimpse of my heartache. It is almost impossible to imagine that this life--this bright, funny, graceful, and beautiful life--has vanished from our presence. How am I to wake up each day and pretend that there is no void--no chasm?

I take no credit for the person that she was or the humble spirit that endeared her to you without effort. She was genuine and she loved with such a pure heart. She understood what it meant to live--not just whole-heartedly but, unselfishly and sometimes I think that's why God called her home so soon.

I am not sure what hell is like--but, I cannot imagine it a worse place than even a day of agonizing for one more word, one more touch, one more kiss or one more I love you. To wish for the opportunity to say without exaggeration-- I want you to know that every single day that you were on this earth you brought me such incredible joy.

But all of this is tucked away...like this blog.

I know that there are people thinking it's been well over a year...get over it for God's sake. Maybe I am just weak, but, I don't think I will ever get over it--I will just try to get through it--one hour, one word, one emotional outburst at a time.