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| Throwing up at Bloomingdale's and other tragic tales. |
| 07.25.05 (8:35 pm) [edit] |
|
Driving home from dinner last night, I saw two little girls, about two years apart, wearing identical outfits—flowing yellow blouses and white capri pants with shoes that wrapped around their ankles. It took me back many years to my own little girls and Christmas dresses from Bloomingdale’s. Whenever there was a special occasion to buy for, I loved to go to Bloomingdale’s. They had frilly girl’s dresses and pretty shopping bags. I took Megan there when she was about to start Kindergarten. It was supposed to be a bonding experience… shopping for school clothes in Chicago. Unfortunately, Megan preferred FAO Schwartz and in an effort to disarm me and make her way back to the giant piano keys on the floor, threatened to throw up in the middle of my favorite store. I took her gently by the hand and led her to the bathroom where we had a come-to-Jesus talk in the stall. Megan was formidable even at six. Back then, I didn’t trust myself. I was very much into appearances and the approval of others who I didn’t necessarily respect but who seemed to have it much more together than I did. So, the house was always clean, the hair was always combed, we always had vegetables with our dinner…and Christmas dresses always matched. Often I didn’t even believe in what I was saying, but, it sounded like something a good Christian mother living in suburbia should say. It’s funny, in a sad sort of way, to think about the energy that I expended performing the role of hypocrite for my children. I forced them to listen to Christian music, although personally I thought it was lame and I would sneak 70s rock when I had the chance. Despite their wishes and what I considered to be a significant personal sacrifice, I took them to see movies where dogs, cats and pigs could talk--nobody enjoyed it--but at least it was good clean fun and a dose of reality from which they could grasp valuable life lessons. I was trying to protect them from reality when I should have been teaching them about independence, contentment and survival. It was like keeping the glass to the sliding door so clean that you injure yourself walking into it. One day, I turned around and ran the other way. I probably gave my children whiplash, the turnaround being so abrupt, but at least, I finally believed in what I was saying. When I made a rule, it was my rule. I knew why I made it and the reasons for making it were legitimate, not because I had to rule with an iron fist so everyone would know I was in charge. How many times had I said ‘no’ to something just because it was easier? Ultimately, I made sure the hill was worth fighting for and let go of everything else. In the end, I believe that while they didn’t always agree with me, at least they respected me for being honest. It is a shame that we feel the need to wear masks to hide our true selves. I think that God, being God, revels in our individuality. He created us to be unique… yet, we hide in the shadows of conformity—where it is safe, but, generally boring. We spend time competing when we could be creating and give up precious time testing the direction of the wind instead of testing the strength of our determination. I’m sure that Megan and Ali would have liked to pick out their own Christmas dresses… ones that didn’t match. Luckily for them and despite my early efforts to the contrary, both of my daughters turned out to have a strong sense of who they were. Megan was no more interested in a fancy dress from Bloomingdale’s than I was in spending three hours in FAO Schwartz. In hindsight, I should have just let her throw up. |
posted by: judypatooote (reply)
post date: 07.26.05 (2:33 am)
lol....I remember that trip, and what a great memory....I can remember Megan, wanting a cookie and parked herself on the floor, until we got her one.....she really didn't care about the school clothes did she. She was always wrapped in the clothes racks, trying to hide.
See aren't memories fun....?
posted by: billlyryan (reply)
post date: 07.26.05 (6:52 pm)
You know, I find that I live for your memories. We've talked about this before but it's like we've had some similar experiences. Of course you had kids with your experience, but still there's so much to be learned from each one. I think we have a long time to "compare notes" with each other.
I for one, can't wait.
posted by: altricial (reply)
post date: 07.27.05 (1:51 am)
I can relate to this post more than you can possibly imagine. My transition was much more gradual, and still a work much in progress.
I'm so glad that you're here.
posted by: Josh (reply)
post date: 07.27.05 (5:09 am)
Hey there.
posted by: Alli (reply)
post date: 07.27.05 (7:22 am)
Wow, that is all so true.
And it's so important to remember that we are individuals.
Thank-you for the reminder.
-allihawkins
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 07.29.05 (3:20 am)
Reply to: judypatooote
The lesson I learned from raising two very different children is... NOBODY knows what the hell they are talking about. Throw the parenting books out, use your best judgement and pray a lot. :)
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 07.29.05 (3:20 am)
Reply to: billlyryan
I can't wait either. :)
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 07.29.05 (3:23 am)
Reply to: altricial
There is great wisdom in getting older... and hopefully wiser. its a very nice feeling when you realize that you will never please everyone and it's alright if you aren't everyone's best friend... I think gradual transitions are probably best though. Hey... what is your new blog address???
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 07.29.05 (3:25 am)
Reply to: Josh
Hey to you boy. I was going to say hey is for horses but that is so old and so lame that even I couldn't embarrass myself to such an extent. Thanks for hauling those rugs for me... gotta get you boys some cash! :)
posted by: LoriSchuster (reply)
post date: 07.29.05 (3:26 am)
Reply to: Alli
Thank you for the nice note Alli. Hi to your mom.
Grace, beauty, humor, strength.
Alison Haley Cloud
Nov. 16, 1987-March 1, 2005
