Lessons Along the Scenic Route thru Purgatory

By Lori Schuster

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Horns, hats and hoopla.
12.28.05 (2:14 pm)   [edit]
I’m glad that this year has come to its quiet end. Given all that I have seen in 2005, I should bid it good-bye amid horns, hats and hoopla; but, for some reason that seems irreverent.

Saying good-bye should be a quiet thing. Much like inhabiting a large stone monastery where everyone has taken a vow of silence; noise impedes the holiness of it all.

This, is the state of my existence. My heart, mind, body and soul cry out for quiet. I have said a great many good-byes this year and there is a lot of sorting out to do. The nature of grieving forces you to say good-bye over and over and over again. You must not only let go of the person that you love, but, also all that you believed possible for the future.

Each day, you wake up and a some moment, it hits you with stark, cold clarity, that even the mere touch of their hand is forever from your grasp—and you have to let go all over again.

In the middle of this battle, life goes on around you. Sometimes, we have to be reminded that it is alright for us to go along with it. There is a delicate balance between living and grieving. Healing requires that you do both in proper proportion.

The excruciating pain in all of this often leaves me wondering if I have the strength to take another breath. But, wrapped around the pain and forever intertwined, is the gift that Ali left us--her unfathomable courage and spirit. That is why, I do not pretend to be living my life in fullness. My words are genuine and my smile is true.

The phrase has been overused and undervalued, but, still it is true— life is a gift.

So, celebrate.

Maybe that is the answer. I will say good-bye to 2005 in silence. I will carry all of the good-byes deep inside my soul and treat them with the reverence they are due. But, I will try to greet 2006 with horns, hats, and hoopla. I will unwrap it like a gift and shower my sorrow with the confetti of hope in anticipation of what is to come.

Happy New Year.
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Grace, beauty, humor, strength.
Alison Haley Cloud
Nov. 16, 1987-March 1, 2005